Princesses don't give blow jobs
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
