I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
