this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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