your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
