Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
