so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
