Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
