this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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