My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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