what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
