No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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