just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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