I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
