i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
