Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
