somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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