guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
