I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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