new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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