i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
