when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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