I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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