Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
