i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
