my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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