No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
