you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
