Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
