"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
