I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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