Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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