He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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