Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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