She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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