i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
