He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have demons in me.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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