All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
