I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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