"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
