So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
