I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
