Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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