I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want to make out with him forever
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
