so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
