I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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