I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
