Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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