I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry about my life...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
