its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
