They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If that was your dad, he is hot
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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