There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
